2010

So, I've started off this year with a new outlook on life and I've actually taken the steps to stay that way. I realize that I'm a "big girl" now and I really don't have to listen to anybody but my mama(s). So how did I come to this conclusion? I took it upon my self to let the voice of someone who thought that degrading and belittling me would make me respect them, just go through one ear and out the other, and boy did it feel good. Those who know me know that I'm able to take a lot of mess from people without complaining or standing up for myself. Well, that's not bout to continue.... Thats sooooooooo last decade.

1. My mother and Grandmother are the people considered my legal guardians.
2. I'm on the verge of being completely independent and feel the need to only take CONSTRUCTIVE Critiques from people who actually have had an important part in my life.
3. The man who helped raise me and had no problem doing it is called G.G by his loved ones, he is no longer here, but his lessons live on in me...
4. and the last time we talked he told me not to take any mess.....
5. I don't need a daddy... I'm bout to be 22 years old...
6. If u can't accept the fact that I'm not lil Ty any more then you really have no sense of time...
7. PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO THIS ONE... There is a method to my madness and if you don't understand it ask me, but don't approach me with an ignorant attitude and expect and educated response, because I find it funny to watch you get frustrated. IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID OR WHAT I'M DOING, IT'S NOT YOUR BUSINESS.
8. Did i mention that I'm bout 22 years old.... and I'm not lil Ty Ty anymore
9. You bark I bark back, especially if it upsets you...
10. Don't mistake my kindness or the fact that I don't talk to you for insecurities or fear.... YOU DON'T SCARE ME AND I REALLY HOPE YOU DON'T THINK THAT YOU DO... NONE OF THAT MESS WORKS ANY MORE.... I have better things to do than sit here and let you waste your or my time on things that have happened in the past or things that you have not authority to keep me from doing. Get over it! Cuz if you didn't realize that I'm staring at you blankly....I'M STARING AT YOU BLANKLY.... and wondering when you'll realize that the only attention you're getting is the BLANK STARE...

Any way.... I'm going into this decade by faith... and those who matter, know that they matter... If you're unsure, ask me and I'll make to answer you as politely as possible.

with a clear mind, open heart, and led by faith... I'll reach my goals... and pray for you as you try to hold me down...

Oh yea, this isn't one of those new years resolutions, It's an epiphany. Stress isn't what I need and I'm not going to let anyone cause me stress anymore... it's just not worth it, especially since tomorrow isn't promised.

Love yall,

Be Blessed,

and Have Faith!!!!

Shadow Dwelling

standing in the shadow of your ever-present physique
sinking under the weight of the title given to me
wondering if I ever will be free from this decree
I continue to stand in your shadow...
but I won't stay there forever
I just have to be me,
so I chip away at the cement cage
that has me trapped...
almost free...
glimmers of sunlight start to hit my flesh
and gives me the will to break out of this hold
No longer will I allow your words to dictate the movement of my feet
nor will I allow your eyes to correct my heart beat
I will dance to the music of the breeze
and love like the waves that crash onto the beach
each of my tears will be guided by the rain
and the thoughts in my mind will grab hold of you
like quicksand
and cover you from head to toe until you realize that I am my OWN Woman

No longer in your shadow, No longer just that girl...

No... I am THE GIRL, better yet, THE WOMAN...

I Am.... Free

What am I Missing?!?!?! pt. 2

Hope you all have had a blessed day today....

I'm back and I have realized that this is going to end up becoming a reoccurring topic on my blog, so keep following... I'm really loving all the input that you guys (and girls) are providing.

Well here are my new questions for the week (not as angry but I'm still very concerned about certain things.)

Here goes

Why is it that people are so concerned with Everyone's life but their own?

Prime example: MJ (RIP) you all know where I'm going with that example so there's no need to go in depth, but I do have an example that deals with things closer to home (in a sense). Now before you jump to conclusions about what I'm about to say, this question is closely related to those who only find the negative in everything you say. Think about it... there two types of people who ask you about your day;

A.those who really want to know and
B.those who really could care less

and even then you could break it down further..

A.
1. Those who really care about you
2. those who need something to talk about

B.
1. those who are just making small talk
2. those who don't want to be rude and feel the need to ask because you asked first *smh*

and it continues from there.

Seriously, I tested this theory. A person called just to "check in" and I told them somethings that weren't completely true (now though I actually feel bad about sinking to that level just to find the truth... but I digress) and NO LIE... what I said got back to me within the next 30 mins. *WTFudge!!!*

Why is that? I mean, I know that everyday in one's life can't be filled with joyous (catch the sarcasm) activity, but I really don't understand why people dwell on making others upset/miserable. Ugh...

NEXT!

Why do others tell you that they want you to speak what you feel, but get really upset when you try?

*sigh* Not gonna dwell on it, but this is the main question in this blog I'd love to hear your responses to...


Why are we all so eager for others to tell us what we want to hear than for them to tell us what we need to hear and why does it seems so hard to except what we need?

Yes, I'm guilty of this too, but I have never understood why people feel that its easier to beat around the bush. Especially when the truth usually comes to the light. I am getting better every day at telling people how you feel and what you feel right then and there. But sometimes it's tough when you know you don't want to see the person you are talking to get hurt by the things you say. So why are we trained to keep people wondering if we are really helping or hurting them more in the long run?

Well, this is it for now. Have at it. :^)

What am I missing here?!?!?!

Ok, so I am in NO way a on love or relationships compared to some others in my age range, but lately (this weekend actually) some questions popped into my head/heart and I just had the urge to get them out. {I mean this is a blog about what I'm learning in my last few years as a college student, Why not use it to the fullest?} so as a disclaimer...

IF YOU ARE HERE FOR A LOVE POEM AND SOME NICE CONVERSATION YOU ARE IN THE WRONG PLACE, I'M FRUSTRATED AND DON'T REALLY FEEL LIKE BEING TACTFUL TODAY....

Well, over the weekend I got the chance to chill with 3 of my friends whom I met at WU and I began to notice a few things about each of them, some things that never really meant much before, but for some reason made me wonder what made me different from them and what actually made others catch the vibes that they expelled. And then I also began to wonder things about their relationships with other people... and with each other. That's what led me to the first major question I had; (the order of these questions will make sense later)

What really makes us all compatible with each other?

I mean, I know its not rocket science, but why do we all get along with each other when there are so many things that we do to sometimes make the people around us uncomfortable. For example, I decided to distance myself from one of my "friends" because he continued to (in my opinion) belittle me when it came to a relationship I had with another male at our school... and yet even though I never criticized him or his relationship, I told him how I felt about it, and even though he didn't care how I felt about his actions, we acted as if nothing ever happened and we both just let it go.... for some of my other friends who know how I can get at times they would look at me and either think or say "WTF Ty?!?!?!?!" or the ever so infamous "Seriously Ty?!?" @ times I really do wonder why I never hit the fan with this....

Question 2

Why is it that we (yea all of us) at times begin to compare ourselves to others who aren't exactly like us?

We all have that couple in out group of friends who make it obvious that they are Madly in love with each other so why is it that when some of us see this they try to compare their hellacious past relationships to that couple and try to figure out ways that one of them will "F*** up a good thang". Seriously... that really pisses me off when that mess happens... I'm all for the empowerment of the human race and all that jazz, but how can you call yourself a friend when you can't even be happy for what they have. Think about it. How many people do you know that can tell you all the negative bull going on in their life, but when you mention something good, they either:

A. Suck their teeth
B. Change the subject
C. Talk a whole lotta mess about that "friend"
D. put out that friends "business"
or E. All of the above..

Why do people do that? Why are they so miserable that they can't appreciate and accept the fact that others are happy? and why in (*forgive my language*) the hell do they continue to smile and laugh in your face after they have been talking s^!% about you for the last 4 hours (hypothetically speaking of course)

Am I really the only one bothered by this mess lately?!??! *waits for answer* DIDN'T THINK SO...

Question 3

Why is it that we get upset at how people in love act around those who aren't in love or with the one they love?

I've been guilty of this a few times before, but I don't think I've ever taken it to the extent that I heard when it came from others and that goes for the young and the old. I was extremely hurt by somethings that went down earlier this week, and to be honest I caught myself wanting to flick off some of the couples that I've seen in the last few weeks (Restraint sometimes isn't my strong suit though... I did it a few times at the mall *don't judge me You don't know my struggles*) but anyway, this goes back to the previous question... why is is so hard for us, as a people to be happy for each other? For example, I've actually heard some people talk badly about a relationship that was close to home even though the woman's husband had been deceased for a while, COME ON BLACK PEOPLE!!! (excuse my niggatry) IT'S ONE THING TO BE MAD CUZ SHE TOOK YO MAN, BUT IT'S JUST PLAIN RUDE TO BE MAD CUZ YOU NEVER HAD A CHANCE WITH HER MAN!!! GROW DA HELL UP!!

UGH!!!!

I'm getting angrier by the word, so I'm just gonna stop here....

To be continued another day... feel free to give your opinion on any of the questions or statements I made...

Peace!

Inspiration {For Real}

It's a warm rainy night
I'm finally free from the grind
and I just know that I'll finally have a chance to relax
Until a song plays that reminds me of you...

I told myself i'd let you be even for just a few days
but this song is making me feel as if its impossible to bear
I'm sure you get tired of these lovey-dovey poems
and me saying that I love u, and even wanting the embrace to last a lil longer
but the effect you have on me is unreal,
"For Real..."

As Amel sings what I've wanted to consider the song of my (love) life since '04,
I'm reminded of my feelings for the first time in weeks
all the firsts I shared with you, all the times you made me smile
"I could trip and if I could fall into your arms I could stay there my whole life..."
the words roll off her tongue and your voice is etched into my mind
"I can feel, I can Love, I can be..."
something better than I was before, simply because you motivate me to do so
"For Real..."
" I can run, I can race for hours and hours and..."
still not be tired as long as you are the goal I'm racing towards....
So, as I hum along and reminisce who I first related this song to I realize,
He won't ever compare to you
"For Real..."

"Without you I'm not Real...."
*sigh* as her voice reaches to its highest point
my mind sinks into the deepest abyss....
swimming through all of my memories of you...
I wonder what new memories we'll create,
what new places will remind me of your smile, and all that jazz (lol)
"...can't feel safe in this wide world without you..."
and I remember the first time you came to my rescue (even though I didn't thank you for it)
"Your are for real..."
Drifting...
Falling...
Smiling...
Blushing...
{yet, emotionally trying....}

My mind is in a frenzy but I like it...
"I can run, I can race for hours, and don't stop..."
lol... this is my story.... and as the song comes to an end...

I begin to relax (finally) with the realization that no matter what the future holds...
I am truly happy with the lessons learned... (some inspiration you are... if I must say so myself)

Mema's Tears

{This past Sunday I went to my grandmother's house to check up on her and before I could even ask her how she was doing she began to cry... this is my response to her tears...}

It always hurts to see her cry
but it hurts even more to remember why
If I could I would remove her pain
and bring her best friend back again
Just to see her smile and to hear him say
"Dell, I'm home!" {yea that'd make her day}
But because I cant, I'll send these wishes
God, let her tears become my grandfather's kisses
Let her heartache become his hugs
and let her remember all his love
Bring her through this time of struggle
and let her see through us that he loves her...
It's been 8 months
and the wound still wont heal...
Yet, in each one of us my grandfather lives

Something New: Letting Love Find You

Well I'm done with my SCWK 200 class and now I can use this blog to discuss pretty much anything my heart desires (Don't worry, I won't stray far from the intended objective.)

So, can you guess what a hopeless romantic's first free topic might be?
Don't rush, I'll wait...

Yep that's it... Love. :^)

Ever since I was young the statement "Let love come to you" has been drilled into my skull and the family never failed at reiterating that point (to this day I'm still not sure if they did it to be overprotective, or because they actually cared; either way it was good advice). I did not truly understand the meaning behind the message until I actually started dating and after having some time to sit and think about what was said I realized that for some, it is not that easy. Being on a college campus is the closest thing to culture shock that I have ever had and because of it, people watching has become a new past time of mine.

Over the last 3 years I've seen hand holding (among other public displays of affection), general kindness, and even some anger towards the previously mentioned actions. Even so, on a college campus that can be encouraging or discouraging. Encouraging because it could give a person something to look forward to, and discouraging because many feel like if they have trouble "finding love" before they graduate then it will be even harder once they are working in their field. Sadly, studies show that many successful African American women don't get married later in life if they can't find a companion before they find their career.

Which leads me back to what I was saying before. I am a firm believer that there is someone for everyone, but I also feel that if you try to force that person, or any person for that matter, to love you then you are missing the point...

LOVE TAKES TIME

It may not be a long period for some, but it still takes time. Think about the commercial where the father is holding his newborn and says "I'm at that point", it took him 9 months to get to that point in which he realized that he loved that child, but he got there. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's different for everyone, but you must be patient. I was always the one who said that when God wanted to put another love in my life he would and all I would have to do is let things play out. I like to think that I got lucky. I spent so much time on making myself into what I consider the goal oriented, dependable woman. That it was almost inevitable that I'd run into the goal oriented, dependable man. I feel as though I have loved and cared for myself so much that God feels like I am capable of loving someone else as much, if not more than, I love myself.
I understand that relationships are different for everyone, but I feel that no matter how many bad relationships one may have, as long as they have enough love for themselves, the bad relationships can only show you what you won't get in the good one. So, take the time to develop yourself, love yourself, and care for yourself... then, when you have done that to the best of your ability, will love find you.

avec beaucoup d'amour
-Tyleshia-